Tough Moms

In my new work, I have come to know two moms like I am with such interesting (somehow juicy) stories about their latest pregnancy and their lives in general.

First Mom:
She started out as a young mom when she was just in her teens 15 years ago.  Because she had nothing at that time (since she's not working and had no funds ready for the baby), there came a time that she had to feed her first born nam or rice milk.  She raised her kid alone because the father of her daughter was a good-for-nothing kind of man.

She met another one who posed as a single man but in fact, was already married.  She didn't find out until she was already pregnant with her second child.  She can't do anything but hold on to that man because of her situation.  But she had to bear with the thought that she wasn't the priority.  No one knew about her second pregnancy because she sent her eldest daughter abroad to study and she kept her secret really well.  She wanted to be strong for her child especially then when they seem to be alone in all of that.  She told me she still went as far as Divisoria to buy stuff she could sell and make some money.  But the first wife found out when she was about to give birth in two weeks time.  The father of her child had to be careful when he gave her financial support.  But she was really thankful that the father was responsible enough to send her aid.  Unfortunately, it only ended in monetary aid.

She told me that she was alone on the early morning when she was going to give birth.  The child was already crowning when she had to knock on her neighbor's door for help and go down flights of stairs from the fifth floor of their apartment building.  Days before this, she found a lying-in nearby through the internet.  She was very thankful to God that her labor and delivery wasn't too hard on her. And that she found a really good obstetrician in that lying-in clinic.

Now, she is still getting financial support from the father but I don't remember her saying that they're still together.

Second Mom:

She the one I just talked to today at work.  She's a newbie just like me.  She's in her second "marriage" right now.  She is still married to the first one technically because there's no divorce in her church.  She has three children right now.  The first two is from the first marriage and the youngest is from her latest relationship. She had to get away from her first husband because the husband got abusive some of the times and she wasn't tough enough to take all of it

Now she met her second husband through her mom.   He was her mother's online boyfriend.  And they were already planning to get married.  The mom asked her daughter to meet the man who was going to be her step dad.  My friend didn't expound on it (because we were just in a short break at that time) but she ended getting pregnant by that man.  And so, I think for about three years mother and daughter are not on speaking terms.  Her mom is in the States right now.  My friend doesn't mind at all because she feels her grandmother played the mother role in her life (after her parents separated a long time ago).

And all I can think of is one word:  awkward.  How is this all going to end up?  I don't know.

So she continues her story.  When she was about to give birth, she only had P2000.00 with her because the father was abroad and was not yet getting paid for the work he's doing. She also gave birth to a lying-in assisted by a midwife.  Days before the birthday, she was told that her baby was lying transverse and should give birth by cesarean section.  She knew she wouldn't be able to afford it.  And so, what she did was walk around thinking it would help position the baby right.  She said God was so good to her because the baby turned around to be in the right position.  (In my case, my Via stayed where she is, head up, bottom down south.  Thanks anak.)

She also gave birth early in the morning.  She gave birth without anesthesia. (This was the first thing that she said that triggered our long conversation.)  And I asked if it was her choice to give birth by Lamaze.  And she said no and that she can't afford an epidural that was given regularly in hospitals.  I couldn't imagine the pain she had to go through.  But she said, God gave her the strength she needed to have a safe delivery.  Closing the episiotomy wound (which I don't understand why there was in the first place when it was her third child already) was the most painful of all.  The midwife was so sleepy that she sewed over the vaginal opening instead of the episiotomy wound.  The midwife said she had to do it over again.  And my friend couldn't do anything but agree.

It was all done without anesthesia.  Again, I can't imagine.

As I hear their stories, I felt like I'm such an ingrate and a whiny little brat.  These girls have what mothers should be made of - tough, direction and courage to go through all of this. In the future, when I have to face situations as bad as these, I will think of them and tell myself, I can also survive because others had done it before and they came out without scars.

I look up to these girls even though they have made some mistakes.  I look up to them because they are able to withstand those kinds of situations at a time when they are so vulnerable because of pregnancy. I want to be tough like them.

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Note to self:  People has their interesting stories to tell once you let them open up.  These people are basically strangers.  I realize I have the talent to let people feel comfortable enough to share their life story to me.  (Now, I have a talent at last LOL!)