Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Getting Married in the Philippines

Awhile ago, Fr.Bije of Christ The King in E.Rodriguez Sr. Ave QC paid our home a visit.  He invited me to have a short counselling session with him.  We talked about my situation right now.  I told him that I was doing okay because I am finally working again. We talked about my relationship with my parents right now.  We also talked about how my parents and I feel about my situation.  

He reminded me that marriage is between two people.  He said it doesn't say in any marriage contract that it's an agreement between a person and the in-laws.  He told me that it is only Filipinos see it that way.  But in truth, it is the decision of two people to start a life of their own. 

For the past two weeks, I have met two people who told me that they are having a problem with their marriages.  Both of them are separated with their husbands.  Their common problem was dealing with the in-laws.  I pitied them that it has to come to a point where they have to be separated from their partners.  

It is a known fact that I hate meddling relatives.  

I have an uncle who was one of the casualties.  He is divorced to his wife because his wife could not take my relatives attitude any longer.  I don't blame his ex-wife.  I have been a witness to my relatives' bullying.  Good thing I have the sense to question everything and everyone during that time.  I think my father, sister and I were the ones who didn't join in the bandwagon.  Unfortunately, my mother was one of those who were making up stories about my ex-aunt.  

I made my husband promise me that he won't let his relatives meddle with our family.  And he made me promise the same thing.  It was the only way we could live peacefully.  We even decided that we will move to another apartment so that neither of our parents could track us down.   We will be the ones to visit relatives and not the other way around.  

I know it sounds a little bit psycho of us to hide our residence from relatives but it was much better than having someone watch your move or make decisions for you.  

If ever his relatives meddle in our family past my tolerance level, and he allows it, he can be sure that I will leave him and bring my Via with me.  I don't want a husband or partner who doesn't have a mind of his own.  

It is never fair for a family to be separated because of relatives but if it is the only way to keep your sanity, then you must do what you think is right.  If you think being in charge is good for your family, why not make your own decisions.  But if you are somehow unsure of what to do and you think your family makes sense, their suggestions will be most welcome.

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